


the light behind his eyes

by httpsigh



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AS A FRIEND, Depressed Louis, M/M, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Suicidal Harry, Suicidal Louis, and so was harry, but anyways, but he is in this story bc i believe in a zouis friendship, i just like to write sad things, it's sad and most of my stories are i am so sorry, louis is a sad boy, sadharry, semi-inspired by the light behind your eyes by mcr ???, suicidalharry, they are bros, zayn is just there to maybe help pick up the pieces of louis' broken heart, zayn isn't in one direction i know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 21:42:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4408898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpsigh/pseuds/httpsigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis looked into those beautiful jade green eyes and found them filled with light and love. </p><p>he wonders if was only the reflection of his own eyes he saw in harry's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the light behind his eyes

_"I'm not perfect, I'm as far as it gets," Harry murmurs softly, green eyes never leaving the untrimmed grass. A sad laughs leaves his thin, pink lips as he says, "But maybe opposites do attract."_

_"You may not see it," Louis pauses, tucking a strand of dark brown hair behind Harry's ear, "But Harry, to me, I think you are the most beautiful person I have ever known. You're not perfect- no one is. And I hope I can show you that no one is perfect and that you don't need to try to be. I know you don't agree with me, I know you don't think you're beautiful or even remotely attractive but I always will. It's okay if you disagree. That's okay."_

_"You'll change your mind one day," Harry responds quietly, twirling his thumbs in his lap, "You'll change your mind and you won't think I'm pretty or beautiful. One day, you'll wake up and you won't love me anymore."_

_"Don't say that," Louis brow furrows, his blue eyes watching Harry intensely, "It won't happen."_

_Harry finally looks up, staring back at Louis with a look of curiosity, "How can you be so sure?"_

_"Because I believe in a thing called fate," Louis says easily, finally a small smile showing on his face, "And what we have is running down the right path. Harry, we were meant to happen."_

-

"Fate," Louis says sleepily, falling onto his small couch. An amused snort leaves his mouth as he grabs the half empty beer can resting on the broken coffee table, "You just had to prove fate wrong, didn't you?"

He receives no response and the house stays eerily quiet. The ticking off the clock continues, causing Louis to glance at the time. He grimaces when he sees both hand resting on the three and knows the afternoon had passed long ago. Outside, it's dark and no one is out. No one is probably even up- except for Louis. 

"I need another drink," he grumbles, shoving himself off the couch and heads into the messy kitchen. Plates sit unwashed in the sink; along with chipped cups and broken mugs that left behind piles of glass shards. Wrappers of food and small crumbs litter the white counters- surprisingly, there are no ants. Louis opens the fridge, his grip weak on the handle. There's a few mushy tangerines besides the half open pack of beer but other than that, the fridge is empty. It's not like Louis has the appetite to eat. He hasn't gone grocery shopping in ages. 

The beer is nearly gone when Louis' phone begins to vibrate in his pocket. Reaching to grabbing it, Louis sees Zayn's number pop up. He stares at the phone for the moment and allows the call to pass. Tears rush to his eyes when he's faced with a picture of Harry and him on New Years Eve. They're both incredibly drunk, clinging onto each other with hazy smiles. Louis doesn't stare at the photo for too long because Zayn is calling again. He answers the call after a few seconds of vibrations, "Hello?"

"Hey! Lou!" Zayn's cheerful voice comes from the other end; Louis can nearly hear his smile, "Was thinking of going out clubbing with Ni, fancy coming?"

"Is Harry going?" Louis asks, his body filling with hope. He really should move on. 

Zayn's voice is small when he speaks, just above a whisper, "How much have you had to drink? Are you alone?"

"Is Harry going to come?" Louis repeats, ignoring Zayn's question, "Maybe I can apologize, do something for him to come back."

"He's not coming back, Lou," Zayn says quietly. Shuffling can be heard over the line, "I'll be over in five minutes. Please don't do anything stupid." 

-

_"Do you ever wonder if maybe life isn't for you?" Harry asks, eyes never leaving the stars hundreds of miles away from the couple laying on the grass, "Like maybe, you were just a slip up the universe didn't mean to happen?"_

_"No," Louis whispers, his voice weak, "I don't think you were a mistake of any sort."_

_"But what if I do?"_

_"There's help for that, I know you won't want to, but it's possible for you to be happy," Louis brings up the topic of therapy once more and prays Harry won't get upset like he did last time. There's a sharp moment of silence and Louis holds his breath. Harry sits up and looks at the empty field of green around them, he then sighs and glances back and Louis._

_"I don't think so," Harry shakes his head, a sad smile painted on his delicate features, "It's a nice thought and all, but I don't think I can. Are you happy?"_

_"Yes," Louis responds easily and in that moment, Harry is filled with envy. Envious of Louis who can easily say he's happy, envious of Louis who has cheekbones sculpted by God himself and eyes the sea poured some of it's color in. Envious of Louis who can look at himself and be pleased. Louis' soft voice snaps Harry out his thoughts, "You make me happy."_

_"Happiness is temporal."_

-

"You're fucking right. Is that what you want to hear?" Louis challenges, his blue eyes shining with fury. He shoves the table to the side and stomps into the kitchen, tears freely streaming down his cheeks. Without a second thought, he smashes glass after glass, creating more piles of glass, "Happiness isn't forever, okay? I get it! I get it! But you had a chance, Harry! You had a fucking chance at being happy!"

He continues to thrash around the house, hurling pictures and random objects to the floor; he leaves behind a trail of disarray as he makes his way through the house. The sound of destruction blocks out the knocks at the door from Louis. 

"Louis!" Zayn screams suddenly, rushing towards the small boy. He wraps his arms tightly around Louis' skinny frame and pulls him down to the floor, preventing to him from causing anymore harm, "Louis! Stop!" 

"You had a chance," Louis sobs, trying to slip out of Zayn's grip, "You had a chance to be happy. With me. You could've been happy with me."

"Louis," Zayn says softly, his brown eyes filling with worry as he watches the once happy boy continue to break down before him, "You'll be okay. It hurts now, but you'll be okay." 

"He could've been happy. Why didn't he want to be happy? Wasn't I enough to make him happy?" Louis asks, his voice childlike. He looks up at Zayn wearing a hurt expression, "Why wasn't I enough? I loved him." 

"You were more than enough," Zayn reassures the drunk boy in his arms, "You did all you could."

"It hurts Zayn and I'm tired of hurting."

"One day, you'll be happy again. One day, you'll be okay."

Louis laughs loudly, shaking his head, "It's funny, I told him the same thing."

-

 

_"Maybe, I'll just go away and never come back," Harry says, looking out the window and watching as the scenery flashes by. Dark thoughts cloud his mind as they continue to drive down the empty road. The music playing softly doesn't help Harry, he doesn't even notice it._

_"Don't," Louis' voice shakes and he grips the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white, "Please don't disappear. I'll miss you."_

_"Maybe it'll make me happy," Harry shrugs, eyes never meeting Louis'. A few months ago, Harry would have never shared these thoughts. He wouldn't want to hurt Louis like that but now, he was numb to the core and was too tired to care to filter his thoughts. Harry sighs, "Maybe I'll actually be happy."_

_"Maybe staying will make you happy," Louis suggests weakly, his eyes filling with tears as he fights to keep his gaze on the road. He's tired of this and he just wants Harry to be okay. He just wants to see Harry smile. He wants to see Harry happy._

_"I told you my mum was an artist, right?" Harry asks. Louis nods his head but keeps his lips shut, knowing his voice will not make any noise, "She always painted these sad painting and I remember walking into her studio and she was just standing there looking at her paintings. She looked at me and she said, "I wonder what kind of art I can make when I'm happy." But I never saw a happy painting in that room, not even now."_

-

 

"I thought you were happy," Louis cries, laying in bed. He stares at the ceiling, the city outside his window still shining brightly. At least he wasn't the only one unable to sleep. Louis can hear Zayn below his room, probably laying on the couch with the TV playing softly and watching reruns of Dr. Phil. He can hear a car alarm going off a few streets away and dogs barking in reaction. 

The room remains quiet and dark.

"You said we could be happy, didn't you want to be happy?" Louis asks aloud, "Are you happy now?"

He receives no response. Louis dozes off to sleep, with tears falling from his eyes until his body has no more tears to give.

-

_"You do realize how ridiculous you look?" Louis raises an eyebrow, watching in amusement as Harry tries to eat his ice cream from the bottom up._

_"I'm trying new things," Harry shoots back, a smile forming on his lip. It's not sad or fake, it's happy._

_"Wasting ice cream in the process," Louis tuts, "Shame on you."_

_"This is coming from the man who forget he had three tubs of ice cream in his car when he went to Six Flags," Harry laughs._

_"I didn't know!" Louis defends, "Besides, I saved mine. Yours is going to fall and the it's going to be all dirty and you can't refreeze it!"_

_"You're dumb," Harry replies shortly, trying to nibble off part of the waffle cone. Louis snorts and licks his ice cream._

_"See? This is how normal people eat."_

_Harry only smiles and Louis sees a light in his eyes, a light he thought he would never see again._

-

Louis looked into those beautiful jade green eyes and found them filled with light and love. 

He wonders if was only the reflection of his own eyes he saw in Harry's.

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii! thank you for reading and i just wanted to clear up that harry did not leave louis relationship wise. harry was depressed which is shown in the small italic bits (flashbacks in louis' mind). harry did kill himself which left louis devastated and wondering what he did wrong. i was hoping that this story could show a little bit how suicide can affect other people and leave them wondering things they may never know the answer to.


End file.
